I used to be so cheerful. What happened to me?
Lately it feels like every day, a new part of me is struck dead. First, my starving heart. Then, the womb, my barren little desert. Today, the brain. I can't work anymore. Tomorrow, the stomach. No food can satisfy me.
I'm not even in the mood for happiness. I don't want anyone to say, "Don't worry, your life will get better, you're beautiful and wonderful, tra la la." I just want to feel angry and lonely all the time, to listen to Morrissey albums all day, to sing dirges for myself and laugh at my own angst.
Oh man. I'm having flashbacks of bad high school poetry.
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Melissa: That would be fun. I like cake. And I love presents! I get back at some as-yet-undetermined time next week. But yeah, let's make time to hang out and shake our fists at the sky.
Nerissa: I am not trying to have kids. First things first. Pleh. Let's change the subject now.
You ARE reverting back to high school, saying "Pleh" and all. Pleh is a nice word.
Have you located the source of your sadness? Often I have to sit down and think mine through -- and it usually comes down to me not being social enough, or not working on goals, or being apathetic about religious things. These are my own personal downers. But I think there must be a source for your own. I hope you find it.
Nerissa: If only it could be that simple! I don't feel like being happy yet. I still want to just mope around and snap at people.
Melissa: Yah! I remember! That's funny. Later on, my high school friends and I adopted "pleh" as our own. Spelling words backwards? We must have been soooooo bored. Well, I guess that's better than me and my elaborate erotic fantasies, which is how I usually passed the time.
jesus christ...i wish i was home to hang out...i feel angst all the time, and there is no better way to satidsfy it than to be among other friends also with angst.
I'll try to be online more...there seems to be much more that you're not telling me...
talk to you soon
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