TEETH.

WARNING: The following post contains sexually disturbing content. It's also totally interesting and kinda funny in a sick, sick way. Proceed at your own risk.

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Omg, I just watched the movie Teeth, which is about vagina dentata (image awesomely not safe for work). Vagina dentata means "toothed vagina"; this image appears in the mythology of many cultures and symbolizes the male fear of sexual intercourse and female sexuality. Teeth! IN THE VAGINA!!!!

Let's pause for a moment and consider the physiological possibilities of vagina dentata. What shape do you think the teeth would be? Human-like (i.e. a combination of canines for tearing and molars for grinding)? Since this only makes half-sense, I'm going to guess that the most advantageous tooth-shape would resemble a carnivore's tooth -- sharp and pointy! Would a toothed vagina produce, um, lacerations (in which case, a serrated tip would be appropriate) or is its primary modus operandi more alligator-like (i.e. biting and gripping, suggesting highly developed musculature)? Or perhaps there are rows and rows of teeth, like a shark!!! Because most of these features aren't mutually exclusive, I'm going to imagine vagina dentata as a deadly hybrid of multiple rows of serrated canines, surrounded by a ring of super-buff PC muscles.

Also, is there a teething process during which the juvenile dental structures emerge from the surrounding flesh? Hahahahha... ow.

In the movie Teeth, the protagonist is a pro-abstinence teen who discovers she is an incarnation of the vagina dentata myth. Gore ensues, but Teeth isn't just mindless sexualized violence. It's smart, funny, and feminist -- the protagonist eventually finds empowerment in her terrifying gift.

Someone, please watch this movie so we can talk more about it!

Love,
Vajeana Dentata

EDIT: Understanding Vagina Dentata (promotional vid for the movie)

Double Agent.

Yesterday I participated in the march at L.A. City Hall protesting the gay marriage ban. I was one of 12,000 people marching through downtown, waving signs, chanting, and saying "woo" a lot. It was really fun! I was so happy to be a part of this movement. I was also happy that it was a peaceful demonstration of solidarity, and not one of these aggressive, negative protests and boycotts which have been popping up lately. Where's the love, people?

When I was ready to take a break at a nearby park, I shared some tree-shade with two young lesbians, one of whom offered to make a t-shirt for me. I gladly accepted, and this is what she drew:

"FANTASTIC BOOBS ROCK MY WORLD"

Yaaaay! You rock, artistic lesbian girl!

A few hours later, I shifted from a grand celebration of queerness to probably the most heterosexual thing a woman can do -- a male revue. Hollywood Men, at the Highlands club on Hollywood and Highland, in my opinion, has an edge over the Vegas revues because HW Men has cute, shirtless, flirtatious waiters! And $20 lap dances! Then, you get free admission to the dance club (which, before 11am, consists entirely of women who attended the show)!

Okay. Fun's over -- it's time to buckle down and finish my first quarter of grad school. See y'all after finals!

I Kissed a Girl, Part 2.

First things first: I've posted the rest of my Halloween photos! I love my white wig. I wish I could wear it every day!

Actually, I did get to wear it one more time -- I volunteered to be an extra in Sebastian's music video, which takes place at a New Year's Eve party. I thought, "What better occasion to wear a festive, sassy wig?" Funny story -- the scene we filmed includes two girls kissing (for comic effect), and one of the girls didn't show up. So, I bravely stepped forward and got promoted from Extra to Actual Character. And yeah, I kissed a girl, and it looked pretty good, so here's a teaser. I thought my days of displaying bi-curiosity were over, but hey, all in good fun. Also, my wig is magical and causes me to lose my inhibitions. Yay!

Oh, and I'll definitely be posting the finished video here in a few weeks!

So where should I wear my wig next? I'm heartened to see all the Prop 8 protests -- maybe I should get in on that action?

Best Weekend Ever!

Happy Halloween! I went to the West Hollywood street party this year (same one we went to in 2002). For you uninitiated readers, the basic idea of the WeHo Carnaval is: bring together tens of thousands of drag queens, hoochies, and people in various other wild/funny/political costumes, block off Santa Monica Boulevard, add music and lasers, and stir. It's a really fun party, but here are some tips for maximal enjoyment:

1) Avoid parking if you can. Take a taxi, the bus, or (in my case) get dropped off by your husband who isn't into drag queens or hoochies.

2) Don't fool yourself into thinking you can meet your friends there. It's really, really, really hard.

3) Wear comfortable shoes. This year, I sacrificed my feet in the name of fashion. Ow.

4) This party runs into the early morning, so don't worry about getting there late. Because I had a performance the next day, I left at 10. Yes, I am boring.

5) Dress up and have fun! I went as a sweet-ass unicorn this year! I even got to wear my wedding dress for the second time, this time with a flashing bicycle light tucked discreetly into the bosom. :P Me and my friend, who went as Santa's Little Helper and has awesomely beautiful legs, got a lot of attention and had our picture taken a lot. It's like being a celebrity one day of the year. :)

I saw a lot of great costumes that night -- lots of Jokers, Wonder Women, a smoking hot Batman in just a mask, cape, and speedo, an Obama, demon McCain and Palin, and the scariest costume of all -- the fallen financial institutions. Can't wait til next year!

The next day, I sang at the Sacred Heart Music Festival. I did a set of rock-jam-cover tunes with my band this year. I'm really proud of this ensemble -- we each play our instruments well and sound great together too. And we have lots of fun! It rained during our (outdoor) set, and we almost got electrocuted, but we jammed on "I Can See Clearly Now" anyway. The show must go on! Then the nuns came on stage and rocked me with their angelic choral singing. I'll be a nun one day!

I've had a fun, carefree weekend, but it's time to return to the daily grind and start studying for my midterm tomorrow. Ciao!