Buying Lingerie for the Bachelorette!

Yay! Thanks for all your suggestions! I've compiled them all together into one big mega-story. Enjoy!

Lingerie is the gift that keeps on knitting / obsessing / eating, and is a must-have for any bride-to-be. Here's how to choose immensely / voraciously / boldly when buying for someone else. Not every woman feels fabulous / wet / saucy when baring her belly button / collar bone / mouth. Think about what toes / birdies / spaghetti she feels most strikingly / slowly / tightly about and choose intimates to complement. Get something playful by choosing obsolete / funky / crummy prints like pictures / lotions / europeans or ice cubes / popsicles / sandals. Or maybe go wild with a giraffe / woodchuck / mouse print. Black, orange / salmon / red, and green / cerulean blue / purple look good on everyone. Velvet and satin have lots of stiff / incendiary / loose appeal. Obviously, the best way to find her correct size is to type / implode / leap her, but you can also use the "fruit comparison" method for figuring out cup size. If she's got screwdrivers / cockatoos / radishes, get her a flattering bustier. But if she's got grapes, maybe get her a nice box of chocolates instead.

I think I would look fabulous in a Europeans-print negligee. Just please don't implode me!

How to Throw a Bachelorette Party.

On my last day of work-free bliss, I should be cleaning my apartment, but instead I'm just goofing off. Thanks to Emily for the Adult Mad Libs, "The World's Greatest Word Game."

HOW TO THROW A BACHELORETTE PARTY

Bachelorette parties are supposed to make females equal to the brocolli florets. If the groomsmen can enjoy a night of uninhibited debauchery, so can we! As a member of the bridal irony, one of your jobs is to organize a "last hazardous hurray" for your soon-to-be-married waterslide. Your party can be a memorable and miniscule evening for the bride-to-be if you make a point to have it center around her embarassing preferences and her round-the-clock guilt-free fantasies. A bachelorette yogurt wouldn't be a bachelorette yogurt without the giving of nutritious gifts and the taking of misunderstood photographs that will be a source of bookish laughter for ducks to come. Remember, a well-planned party is the best way to show your love and dense affection for your Rubenesque friend.

Hey, wanna do one with me?

Post a comment containing words to complete the following Mad Libs. In a few days, I will post the completed stories, and we can enjoy our creation!

BUYING LINGERIE FOR THE BACHELORETTE

1) verb ending in "ing"
2) adverb
3) adjective
4) part of the body
5) plural noun
6) adverb
7) adjective
8) plural noun
9) plural noun
10) animal
11) color
12) color
13) adjective
14) verb
15) plural noun

I got SO high.

Yep, you heard me.

So yeah, I got 2 of my wisdom teeth extracted today, and opted for general anesthesia to help with my anxiety. But it did more than "help with my anxiety." It took me to mind-blowingly amazing places!!!!

At first, I was nervous as they were preparing me for the surgery: bracing my arm so I wouldn't bend it, restraining my hands, inserting the IV.

Then the drugs kicked in...

...and the next thing I knew, I was FLYING! There were big tall buildings all around me, and I was swooping all around them. I didn't know where I was or how I got there, but you know, I didn't care! All I felt was happiness and excitement and thrills, and I couldn't stop laughing. Laughing, laughing... and more laughing. Gradually, the room faded back into focus, and John was sitting next to me, and I cried because I was so happy with him, then I laughed some more. Soon after, I remembered I was at the oral surgeon's office, and I became aware of the gauze in my mouth. I was still weak, dizzy and happy, and the room was still spinning, but slower and slower. When everything finally became still, I felt a little sad... because the ride was over! Awwwww...

In conclusion, that was awesome. Best oral surgery ever!

Travel Schedule.

Sorry... I keep forgetting to post these! To make up for it, I'll post my whole schedule since the New Year. :P

Jan 1 - 8: Fort Lauderdale, FL / Jam Cruise
Jan 9 - 18: Hawaii
Jan 19 - 27: California (part of this will be recovery from wisdom tooth extraction)
Jan 28 - Feb 7: Hawaii
Feb 8 - 14: Tahoe for skiing!!
Feb 14 - ?: Back home!

New Year's Resolutions.

Okay, so I'm two weeks late. I was busy partying, then I was busy working, but now I have time to think about last year, and set goals for this one.

I had one resolution last year. I made it when I realized that 1) everything is a ploy to get you to spend your money and 2) crap I buy just ends up cluttering my apartment. I turned anti-consumer and resolved to stop buying things. I did pretty well! It was hard sometimes -- buying things is really pleasurable for me (I re-discovered this when I redeemed the gift cards I got for my birthday/Christmas), but for the most part, I limited my spending to things which were necessary, useful, and enriching.

I traveled too much last year, but had a lot of fun too. It was a great year John-wise, and a very difficult one family-wise. I hope this year will be better all around. Mostly, I'm looking forward to finishing my Hawaii travel and having the freedom to pursue things seriously again. Here's my 2007 checklist:

-Marry John.
-Live in one place for more than 1 month at a time.
-Take music classes.
-Cry less.
-Exercise seriously and regularly.*
-Learn to cook.**

*Okay, what kind of exercise should I do? I was doing well with swing dancing for a while, but I'm not interested in meeting/flirting with/getting groped by strange men anymore. I was thinking either Curves (the all-women fitness club across the street from my apartment), yoga, or ballet.

**It's not that I don't know -how- or don't have ideas, it's that cooking solo-mission is pretty unsatisfying and, in my opinion, not worth the effort. Advice?

JAM CRUISE!!!!!

Hi! I'm back from my Jam Cruise vacation! It was AWESOME. Here are my thoughts, observations, and highlights...

-WOW. That's A LOT of white people. My guess is that, of 2000 cruisers, about 0.5% were non-white. This does not include musicians, many of whom were black, and ship crew, who were mostly Asian.

-There was a lot of weed on the ship. You could smell it EVERYWHERE.

-The more you participate in the cruise, the more the cruise gives back to you. I did a rousing version of Aretha Franklin's "Respect" for Rock Star Karaoke, and after that, a lot more people talked to me and congratulated me. I did feel like a star!

-I also participated in the Guitar Hero competition. I got eliminated in the first round, re-inserted into the second round to compensate for a no-show, then got eliminated again. :P C'mon, the guy who eliminated me had a 265-note streak! My 119-note streak didn't stand a chance!

-Jam Cruise is a 1-week long dance party. Dress accordingly. Things that sparkle, shine, glitter, and flash are highly appreciated. Also, people are SERIOUS about the costume nights. On pirate night, everyone kept saying "Arrrr."

-The music is good, but you'll have an even better time if you like more than 1-2 bands in the lineup.

-I kept seeing Stanton Moore (drummer from Galactic) and Jeff Austin (mandolin player from Yonder Mountain String Band) everywhere. I saw Stanton Moore at the emergency drill, eating dinner at the restaurant, using his laptop in the coffee bar, etc. I went snorkeling with Jeff Austin.

-The reefs at Grand Turk island are pretty extensive and quite different from the ones in Hawaii. There's a lot more soft coral, and fewer fish (at least, in the spot where we snorkeled). The water was warm and clear.

-Fresh hot pizza, anytime. Awesome.

-As John and I wandered around the ship, we accidentally stumbled upon Galactic rehearsing with JJ Grey. That was a wonderful surprise. We could just sit there and listen to them rehearse!

-Amenities: Free sauna and steam room. John spent a lot of time there. :P

-Bring earplugs.

I'm back in Hawaii now, and I have to relearn my job. Vacations rule! I'll be back in L.A. on the 19th. Expect photos shortly thereafter! Mwah mwah!