I've been trying to write this post for days, but it's been getting harder to express myself lately. I've been packing. Packing, packing, packing. Dividing my things into categories--small stuff, heavy stuff, sentimental stuff, dispensible stuff. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between those last two.

The single life has been treating me well so far. Thanks to all of you for your moral support! The social events have been splendid. But sometimes I do feel overwhelmed. Moving is stressful, even if it's only 4 miles away. Stephen has it worse... he's moving 2700 miles away. :(

So, yeah. Ups and downs. Sometimes I have happy daydreams, mentally arranging furniture in my new apartment. Other times I realize I've been sitting there for several minutes visualizing my own death. Also, celibacy is hard! :P

"Why don't we stop fooling ourselves? The game is over, over, over..." --Paul Simon



Stephen and Jean, September 2000 - February 2005.

I hope this'll be the last "death" announcement for a while. No, Stephen didn't die. But our relationship did. Waaaaaaahhhhhhhh... :(

So yeah. I'm single! What should I do now? This is my list so far:

-Stay single.
-Go swing dancing.
-Sunbathe nude.
-Visit Emily.
-Take classes.
-Audition for stuff, you slacker.

I feel like I'm beginning a whole new era of my life. No attachments, a new bachelorette pad, plus I hope to be attending Citrus College this summer to take some music classes and other self-enrichy things. Wish me luck...

I used to be so cheerful. What happened to me?

Lately it feels like every day, a new part of me is struck dead. First, my starving heart. Then, the womb, my barren little desert. Today, the brain. I can't work anymore. Tomorrow, the stomach. No food can satisfy me.

I'm not even in the mood for happiness. I don't want anyone to say, "Don't worry, your life will get better, you're beautiful and wonderful, tra la la." I just want to feel angry and lonely all the time, to listen to Morrissey albums all day, to sing dirges for myself and laugh at my own angst.

Oh man. I'm having flashbacks of bad high school poetry.

Snowcap, May 2003 - Feb 2005.

Well, it's official. No more hamsters. :(